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Catwomen & More


25th Anniversary

A man and his wife go to their honeymoon place for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband: "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?" The husband replied: "All I wanted to do was to fuck your brains out, and suck your tits dry." Then, as the wife undressed, she asked: "What are you thinking now?"He replied: "It looks like I did a pretty good job."


The Mailman's Retirement It was the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighbourhood.When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift envelope. At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars. The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door, and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced. When he had had enough they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh-squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee.As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge. "All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what's the dollar for?" "Well," she said, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you." He said, "Fuck him, give him a dollar." The lady then said, "The breakfast was my idea."

Family Day Out

A husband, one bright sunny morning, turns to his lovely wife, "Wife, we're going fishing this weekend, you, me and the dog." The wife grimaces, "But I don't like fishing!" "Look! We're going fishing and that's final." "Do I have to go fishing with you... I really don't want to go!" "Right I'll give you three choices... 1 You come fishing with me and the dog... 2 You give me a BLOW JOB.... 3 or you take it up the ass!" The wife grimaces again, "But I don't want to do any of those things!" "Wife I've given you three options.. You'll HAVE to do one of them! I'm going to the garage to sort out my fishing tackle, when I come back I expect you to have made up your mind!" The wife sits and thinks about it. Twenty minutes later her husband comes back, "Well! What have you decided? FISHING with me and the dog, BLOW JOB, or ass?" The wife complains some more and finally makes up her mind, "O.K. I'll give you a blow job!" "Great!" He says and drops his pants. The wife is on her knees doing the business. Suddenly she stops, looks up at her Husband, "Oh! It tastes absolutely disgusting... It tastes all shitty!" "Yes!" says her husband "The dog didn't want to go fishing either."

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Colour Game

Look At The Colours Below
Say the Colour and not the word
Yellow Orange Blue
Black Green Red
Yellow Purple Red
Orange Green Yellow
Your Right Brain Try To Say The Colour
You Left Brain Insists On Reading The Word
How hard do you think it is?

Clean your 3rd foot

Thats it clean between your toes.
You have got nice legssssssss

Long, Long, Long, Very Long Cat

My bum looks big at this angle.

Are you living in 2008


1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.
2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.
3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.
4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.
5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends & family is thatthey don't have
email addresses.
6. You go home after a long day at work, you still answer the phone in abusiness manner.
7. You make phone calls from home, you accidentally dial "9" to get anoutside line.
8. You've sat at the same desk for four years and worked for three different companies.
10. You learn about your redundancy on the 10 o'clock news.
11. Your VCR is now the 8 track of 21st century and you are thinking you need a TV no thicker than an encyclopedia. Your kids will never know what an encyclopedia is. What are you going to do with your Entertainment Center Armoire?
12. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.
13. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen.
14. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.
15. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee.
16. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. :)
17. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.
18. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.
19 You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.
20. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list.

18th Birthday

Today is my daughter's 18th birthday......
I'm so glad that this is my last child support payment. Month aftermonth, year after year, those payments!
I called my baby girl to come over to my house, and when she got there,I said to her, "Baby girl, I want you to take this last check over toyour Mama's house; you tell her that this is the last check she's evergoing to get from me, then I want you to come back here and tell me the_expression she had on her face."
So my baby girl took the check over to her mother. I was so anxious tohear what the witch had to say and what she looked like. As my babygirl walked through the door, I said, "Well now .... what did she haveto say?"
"She told me to tell you that you ain't my Daddy.

What Tree Did You Fall From?

You know the saying,
Now find out which tree you did fall from
Find your birthday & then your tree.

Dec 23 to Jan 01 - Apple Tree
Jan 01 to Jan 11 - Fir Tree
Jan 12 to Jan 24 - Elm Tree
Jan 25 to Feb 03 - Cypress Tree
Feb 04 to Feb 08 - Poplar Tree
Feb 09 to Feb 18 - Cedar Tree
Feb 19 to Feb 28 - Pine Tree
Mar 01 to Mar 10 - Weeping Willow Tree
Mar 11 to Mar 20 - Lime Tree
Mar 21 (only) -Oak Tree
Mar 22 to Mar 31 - Hazelnut Tree
Apr 01 to Apr 10 - Rowan Tree
Apr 11 to Apr 20 - Maple Tree
Apr 21 to Apr 30 - Walnut Tree
May 01 to May 14 - Poplar Tree
May 15 to May 24 - Ches tnut Tree
May 25 to Jun 03 - Ash Tree
Jun 04 to Jun 13 - Hornbeam Tree
Jun 14 to Jun 23 - Fig Tree
Jun 24 (only) - Birch Tree
Jun 25 to Jul 04 - Apple Tree
Jul 05 to Jul 14 - Fir Tree
Jul 15 to Jul 25 -Elm Tree
Jul 26 to Aug 04 - Cypress Tree
Aug! 0 5 to Aug 13 - Poplar Tree
Aug 14 to Aug 23 - Cedar Tree
Aug 24 to Sep 02 - Pine Tree
Sep 03 to Sep 12 - Weeping Willow Tree
Sep 13 to Sep 22 - Lime Tree
Sep 23 (only) - Olive Tree
Sep 24 to Oct 03 - Hazelnut Tree
Oct 04 to Oct 13 - Rowan Tree
Oct 14 to Oct 23 - Maple Tree
Oct 24 to Nov 11 - Walnut Tree
Nov 12 to Nov 21 - Chestnut Tree
Nov 22 to Dec 01 - Ash Tree
Dec 02 to Dec 11 - Hornbeam Tree
Dec 12 to Dec 21 - Fig Tree
Dec 22 (only) - Beech Tree

Now Find Your Tree

Apple Tree (Love) -- quiet and shy at times, lots ofcharm, appeal, and attraction, pleasant attitude,flirtatious smile, adventurous, sensitive, loyal in love,wants to love and be loved, faithful and tenderpartner, very generous, many talents, loves children, needsaffectionate partner.
Ash Tree (Ambition) -- extremely attractive,vivacious, impulsive, demanding, does not care for criticism,ambitious, intelligent, talented, Likes to play withfate, can be very egotistic, reliable, restless lover,sometimes money rules over the heart, demandsattention, needs love and much emotional support.

Beech Tree (Creative) -- has good taste, concernedabout its looks, materialistic, good organization of lifeand career, economical, good leader, takes nounnecessary risks, reasonable, splendid lifetime companion,keen on keeping fit (diets, sports, etc.).

Birch Tree (Inspiration) -- vivacious, attractive,elegant, friendly, unpretentious, modest, does not likeanything in excess, abhors the vulgar, loves life innature and in calm, not very passionate, full ofimagination, little ambition, crea tes a calm and contentatmosphere.

Cedar Tree (Confidence) -- of rare strength, knows howto adapt, likes unexpected presents, of good health,not in the least shy, tends to look down on others,self-confident, a great speaker, determined, oftenimpatient, likes to impress others, has many talents,industrious, healthy optimism, waits for the one true love,able to make quick decisions.

Chestnut Tree (Honesty) -- of unusual stature,impressive, well-developed sense of justice, fun to bearound, a planner, born diplomat, can be irritated easily,sensitive of others feelings, hard worker, sometimesacts superior, feels not understood at times, fiercelyfamily oriented, very loyal in love.

Cypress Tree (Faithfulness) -- strong, muscular,adaptable, takes what life has to give but doesn'tnecessarily like it, strives to be content, optimistic, wantsto be financially independent, wants love andaffection, hates lonelines s, passionate lover which cannot besatisfied, faithful, quick-tempered at times, can beunruly and careless, loves to gain knowledge, needs tobe needed.

Elm Tree (Noble-mindedness) -- pleasant shape,tasteful clothes, modest demands, tends not to forgivemistakes, cheerful, likes to lead but not to obey, honestand faithful partner, likes making decisions for others,noble-minded, generous, good sense of humor,practical.

Fig Tree (Sensibility) -- very strong minded, a bit self-willed, honest, loyal, independent, hatescontradiction or arguments, hard worker when wants to be, loveslife and friends, enjoys children and animals, fewsexual relationships, great sense of humor, has artistictalent and great intelligence.

Fir tree (Mysterious) -- extraordinary taste, handlesstress well, loves anything beautiful, stubborn, tendsto care for those close to them, hard to trust others,yet a social butterfly, likes idlene ss and lazinessafter long demanding hours at work, rather modest,talented, unselfish, many friends, very reliable.

Hazelnut Tree (Extraordinary) -- charming, sense ofhumor, very demanding but can also be veryunderstanding, knows how to make a lasting impression, activefighter for social causes and politics, popular, quitemoody, sexually oriented, honest, a perfectionist, has aprecise sense of judgment and expects completefairness.

Hornbeam Tree (Good Taste) -- of cool beauty, caresfor its looks and condition, good taste, is notegoistic, makes life as comfortable as possible, leads areasonable and disciplined life, looks for kindness, andacknowledgment in an emotional partner, dreams ofunusual lovers, is seldom happy with its feelings, mistrustsmost people, is never sure of its decisions, veryconscientious.

Lime Tree (Doubt) - intelligent, hard working, acceptswhat life dishes out, but not before tryin g to changebad circumstances into good ones, hates fighting andstress, enjoys getaway vacations, may appear tough, butis actually soft and relenting, always willing to makesacrifices for family and friends, has many talentsbut not always enough time to use them, can become acomplainer, great leadership qualities, is jealous attimes but extremely loyal.

Maple Tree (Independence of Mind) -- no ordinaryperson, full of imagination and originality, shy andreserved, ambitious, proud, self-confident, hungers for newexperiences, sometimes nervous, has many complexities,good memory, learns easily, complicated love life,wants to impress.

Oak Tree (Brave) -- robust nature, courageous, strong,unrelenting, independent, sensible, does not likechange, keeps its feet on the ground, person of action.

Olive Tree (Wisdom) -- loves sun, warmth and kindfeelings, reasonable, balanced, avoids aggression andviolence, tolerant t, cheerful, calm, well-developed senseof justice, sensitive, empathetic, free of jealousy,loves to read and the company of sophisticated people.Is an insatiable sexual animal. Is loved by all. Isalways kind and considerate of others. Strongpersonality yet free from any hints of egotism. Is an extremelymoral and upstanding individual, yet able tounderstand the transgressions of others.

Pine Tree (Peacemaker) - loves agreeable company,craves peace and harmony, loves to help others, activeimagination, likes to write poetry, not fashionconscious, great compassion, friendly to all, falls stronglyin love but will leave if betrayed or lied to,emotionally soft, low self esteem, needs affection and reassurance

Poplar Tree (Uncertainty) -- looks very decorative,talented, not very self-confident, extremely courageousif necessary, needs goodwill and pleasantsurroundings, very choosy, often lonely, great animosity y, greatartistic nature, good organizer, tends to lean towardphilosophy, reliable in any situation, takes partnershipseriously.

Rowan Tree (Sensitivity) -- full of charm, cheerful,gifted without egoism, likes to draw attention, loveslife, motion, unrest, and even complications, is bothdependent and independent, good taste, artistic,passionate, emotional, good company, does not forgive.

Walnut Tree (Passion) -- unrelenting, strange and fullof contrasts, often egotistic, aggressive, noble,broad horizon, unexpected reactions, spontaneous,unlimited ambition, no flexibility, difficult and uncommonpartner, not always liked but often admired, ingeniousstrategist, very jealous and passionate, no compromise.

Weeping Willow (Melancholy) - likes to be stress free,loves family life, full of hopes and dreams,attractive, very empathetic, loves anything beautiful,musically inclined, loves to travel to exotic places,restless, capricious, honest, can be influenced but is noteasy to live with when pressured, sometimes demanding,good intuition, suffers in love until they find that oneloyal, steadfast partner; loves to make others laugh.

Well, did you fall from the right tree.


Useless Facts, But Funny

Here are some facts that won't change your life:

  1. It is impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.

  2. Marilyn Monroe had six toes on one foot.

  3. All of the clocks in the movie Pulp Fiction are stuck on 4:20.

  4. No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver or purple.

  5. Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.

  6. The name Wendy was made up for the book "Peter Pan.

  7. If Barbie were life-size her measurements would be 39-23-33. She would stand seven feet, two inches tall and have a neck twice the length of a normal human's neck.

  8. A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.

  9. The only 15 letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is uncopyrightable.

  10. Donald Duck comics were banned in Finland because he doesn't wear pants.

  11. The word racecar and kayak are the same whether they are read left to right or right to left.

  12. The thong accounts for 25% of the United States women's underwear market.

Thats it for me. Can you thing of any more?

Funny Tshirts Sayings - Whats yours

Join in with your funniest Tshirt saying: Add Your Comment

Here are a few that I can remember:

  • Just because you're not paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you.

  • There are three types of people in this world - those who can count and those who can't."

  • I'm multi-talented: I can talk and piss you off at the same time.

  • I figure I'm pretty good with the bullshit but I love listening to an expert. Keep talking.

  • If we are what we eat, I'm fast, cheap and easy

  • How can I miss you if you won't go away?

  • There is intelligent life on Earth, but I'm just visiting.

  • We should forgive our enemies, but only after they've been taken out and shot.

  • I'm not as dumb as you look.

  • I'm not going deaf. I'm ignoring you.

  • How can I tell you I love you when you're sitting on my face?

  • God is dead and I want His job.

  • I can tell you're lying. Your lips are moving.

  • It's hard to soar like an eagle when you're surrounded by turkeys.

  • Death is the greatest kick of all. That's why they save it for last.

  • I'm not prejudiced. I hate everyone equally.

  • Work fascinates me. I could sit and watch it for hours.

  • Love your enemies. It'll make 'em crazy.

  • I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed opponent.

  • Don't piss me off! I'm running out of places to hide bodies

  • My imaginary friend thinks you have mental problems.

  • I'm not getting smaller, I'm backing away from you.

  • Did you eat a bowl of stupid for breakfast?

  • I don't know what makes you dumb, but it really works.

  • Guys have feelings too. But like... who cares?

  • You're just jealous because the voices talk to me.

  • Don't interrupt me while I'm talking with myself!

  • People like you are the reason people like me need medication.

  • Oh crap! You're going to try and cheer me up, aren't you?

  • I'm sorry. My fault. I forgot you were an idiot.

  • 5 out of 4 people have problems with fractions!

  • You need someone listening to you for it to be an actual conversation.

  • Do I seem self-centered, or is it just me?

Any more Plz join in, Help to cheer folk up a bit,


What Novelty Gifts or Treats have you had.

Hi everyone

I am interested in novelties and would like to know what type of novelties have you had or have seen.

Anything from a mug to a a pair of pants, Let me know.

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